Official
definition of a Las Vegas Hook•er (hook'?r). Noun.
1) One that hooks in Las Vegas.
2) A prostitute within the Las Vegas vicinity.
Popular
synonyms for a Hooker: call girl, working girl, prostitute,
tart, tramp, whore, bimbo, lady of the night, street walker, floozy,
rake, slattern, loose woman, easy lay, lady of pleasure, and midnight
cowgirl.
The
legalities of Hookers in Las Vegas: In spite of what
your cousin might have seriously tried to convince you of, prostitution
is absolutely 100% illegal in the city of Las Vegas. We’re
talking stainless steal handcuffs here. Yes, it is a well-known
fact that there are a few of parts of Nevada where being a “working
girl” is a perfectly legal state-monitored business activity
(the closest to Las Vegas being about an hour away within the
city of Pahrump), but again, it is NOT legal in the city of Las
Vegas. So if you are expecting to stroll up on Las Vegas Blvd
and find an entire row of hot girls in mini-skirts with their
asses in the air negotiating prices through the passenger window
of some stranger’s car, you might be setting yourself up
for disappointment. This ain’t that kind of town.
Aside of any
issues with the law, or how much hotels try and prevent their
loitering, there are plenty of hookers hidden in plain sight anywhere
that one would expect to find horny men willing to pay for a little
action. You see hookers in nightclubs, hookers in casinos, and
occasionally hookers even casually walking down the street looking
for their next eager customer. These damned hookers are everywhere.
And if you know what to look for, you'll know how to spot them!
Cell phones
are great for a lot of things these days, but they are absolutely
essential to the business lifeline of any successful hooker in
Las Vegas. Whether she is using her minutes by getting her referrals
from a fellow colleague of the industry, or is kicking back some
VIP host or concierge
who is “making it happen“ for one of their clients,
most of her clientele will first reach her by way of cell phone
and will simply instruct her on where to meet. (I honestly can’t
believe T-Mobile hasn’t picked this one up for their next
ad campaign. It‘s golden!). So when you see a well-dressed
woman sitting by herself at a casino bar sipping on a diet coke
and grasping her blackberry like it’s a brick of gold bouillon,
she’s probably a gosh darned hooker!
DID
YOU KNOW: According to a
senior surveillance manager at a major Las Vegas casino, it isn’t
uncommon for hookers to have an album of dirty photos on their
cell phone to show would be customers what they will be getting
should they choose to make a purchase. A convenient preview of
things to come!
So you’re
chilling at your table in one of the top nightclubs in Las Vegas
when, out of no where, a girl walks up to you and says “Holy
macrole! There sure are a lot of guys at your table. Would you
like someone to dance with?” While there is always the off-chance
that she is simply a sex-crazed nympho hoping to be the meat of
a gangbang sandwich, the odds are she is really just planning
on scoring some ‘walk-in’ customers for the night.
And without mentioning any names, there are a few clubs in town
strongly rumored to consistently turn a blind eye to the vast
amounts of these women passing through their ropes on a frequent
basis looking for a paid Tryst
of the evening. It’s a win/win situation for them as they
not only have some extra women in their club, but many of their
best customers will remain happy and more than willing to continue
the spending spree. The good news, should you find yourself approached
by such a lady, is that these caliber of women are usually so
bold as to immediately state the nature of their business. Some
aren’t merely as subtle, but the odds are pretty good you’ve
got a hooker on your hands if she confidently tells you “it
will be a $1000 for each girl, and we will go from there!”
Even though
you aren’t that great looking yourself, might be blessed
with a beer gut, and don’t exactly have a stunning sense
of fashion, just because a girl is making the effort to go out
of her way to strike up a conversation with you doesn’t
necessarily mean she is a street walker. Girls love to meet guys
just as much as guys love meeting girls. But if everything she
is saying to you seems just a little bit too confident and a tad
too rehearsed for the average casual hello, keep in mind that
she is probably either a hooker or, even worse, a total drink
whore just bilking you for a free cocktail. And to discriminate
between the two, keep in mind that hookers will usually look into
your eyes and strongly suggest that you get them a drink, drink
whores are much less savvy in their approach in that they will
usually just keep glancing at your drink / bottle / or the bartender
like a Chihuahua begging at the dinner table. Consider yourself
warned.
The
subtle passing smile in the casino.
Unless you’ve just tripped over your own shoelace and pissed
yourself as you fell to the ground in a dramatically amusing display,
there is absolutely no reason a girl walking by herself through
the middle of a casino will smile or smile back at you. Sorry,
she’s a hooker.
Of course,
not all hookers are of premium status, and there are
certainly a good number of them simply looking to make a quick
buck to support whatever addiction they might be indulging at
the moment (drugs, booze, gambling). These hookers are usually
easily spotted by their overall lack of togetherness, rugged skid
marks, possible “leftovers” stuck on their face, missing
teeth, g(c)um in the hair, and a
variety of other tell-tale signs of being a total midnight cowgirl.
When you
look at a loving couple at a bar, eating dinner in a restaurant,
or simply passing by on the way to their destination, there is
usually a general level of consistency amongst them. You can tell.
Even if they aren’t the same age, they are probably at least
similarly dressed and carry themselves in a mutual manner. But
it's when every single aspect of a couple's togetherness matches
about as well as a Klu Klux Klan member in the middle of the Bronx,
that something is almost certainly a little off. They will probably
be very distant with one another, won't talk too much, will be
very physically affectionate (hanging on each other, rubbing,
etc), and won't match whatsoever. He's old and nervous, she's
adorned in Gucci, and, you guessed it, you've got another hooker
on your hands!
