DO
NOT WEAR SUNGLASSES TO A NIGHTCLUB!
Written by Jack Colton
We
all see them. And we like to laugh. Some of us might
have even done it ourselves well before we knew better. But the
next time you pick up a friend on the way to the club and see
them slip on a pair just before they get into the car, you should
refer them to the JACKCOLTON.COM guide for not looking like a
complete and total idiot inside a nightclub by wearing sunglasses.
Trust me. You do not want to be seen in a Las Vegas nightclub
standing next to someone wearing sunglasses. Not only do they
look stupid, but I've personally made sure that someone with a
camera will find them and take their picture.
STERN
WARNING: People who work in Las Vegas nightlife are absolutely
sick of seeing people wear sunglasses to nightclubs. There is
a growing resistance amongst the service industry here, and we
will stop at nothing to get your picture and make fun of you on
an international scale should you
make the mistake of wearing sunglasses to a Las Vegas nightclub!
You
wear them at night because you genuinely think that you look like
a badass. You're dead wrong. This is what wearing SUNGLASSES
to a nightclub really says about you:
1)
You are trying waaaay too hard to look cool / fashionable.
2)
You are rolling on E.
3)
You fail to have any imagination when it comes to looking good
in public, and will follow even the stupidest of fashion trends
just because your friends are doing it - inspite of the fact that
you can't even see the person standing in front of you.
4)
You are hiding the fact that you recently contracted
pink eye, and only the darkest shades will do (For Clinical
Information on Pink Eye: Visit Here
)
5)
You see everyone looking at you, but because of the fact that
you are stupidly wearing tinted sunglasses in a dark place, you
cant see that they are actually also elbowing their friends and
laughing at you.
6)
You are cheating on your significant other, and are trying
not to be recognized in public.
7)
You think that just because you spent $500 on "Magic Celebrity
Glasses," which cost more than your entire wardrobe, that
you are supposed to wear them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Much
like an 8-year old with a Batman cape that insists on wearing
it to school, to the dinner table, and then to bed.
8)
You fail to realize how many people are holding back
from ripping your glasses off of your face, stepping on them,
and splashing a shot of vodka in your eyes in hopes of teaching
you a stern lesson.
9)
You are from the East Coast, and are one of the few who
have not yet realized that you don't have to mimick everything
that someone says in a rap song.
10)
Or simply....You are stupid and just forgot to take them
off.
Celebrities
have an excuse for this ridiculously stupid fashion trend.
Hundreds of pictures are being taken of them, and even they usually
take them off after getting through the 2,500 camera flashes in
front of the Step and Repeat (aka: the wall of logos). But you?
Nope. You're a trooper. Though no blinding pictures are actually
being taken of you, you STILL keep them on even after you have
run into walls, stepped on everyones feet, and have accidentally
pee'd on your shoe. Twice.
Even though
people have been wearing sunglasses at night for many years, we
can thank rap artists everywhere for the resurgence of this trend
of stupidity, as you can't even turn on the radio without hearing
a song about "wearing stunner shades to da club." Last
year they gave us "spinners and dubbs." What is in store
for 2008?
Best case
scenario, wearing sunglasses makes you appear unapproachable (and
stupid looking). Unless you are at an early morning after-hours,
save yourself the embarrassment, go ahead and take the sunglasses
off before you ever even put them on. |
- JC
I
have been a Napkinnights.com photographer for two and
a half years now. Before this website, I made every attempt to
avoid taking photos of ridiculous looking people with Sunglasses
on in the Vegas clubs. Thanks to Jack Colton’s eye opening
humor, now when I see someone rocking the fashion faux pass, I
make a conscious effort to take pictures of them. The entertainment
these guys offer us is far too valuable not to share with the
world via the internet.
I
often wonder why people wear sunglasses indoors (unless
they are blind), especially at NIGHTclubs. The key word is night,
people. The last time I was in a club (last night at Light), it
was so dark in there that if I had been wearing "shades"
I would have run into the walls (sober). I'm glad you spent the
$750 on those hot Chrome Hearts -- but save them for the Rehab
Pool Party on Sunday.
It
is not 1985, and why can't I get that damned song out of my head?
I think that every guy who wears his "stunners"
to the club automatically thinks that he is going to get more
ass than a Hollywood hooker. Dude. It ain't gonna happen. As Colton
mentioned in his article on the subject, everyone (especially
local Las Vegas girls) makes fun of people who wear their glasses
to a nightclub. My aaaaabsolute favorite is when people wear them,
and then realize they can't see..so they walk around with them
on their forehead. ha!
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